Unfortunately, my friend might have been right.
Publicizing my work scares the crap out of me. There. I said
it. I hate advertising my books, I hate showing off my accomplishments, and I
hate asking for reviews. Not because I don’t think my writing is good enough,
but because I am afraid of rejection. Writing is personal – a little piece of
my soul is weaved through every book I write, so in essence, when someone criticizes
or rejects my work, I take it as a personal assault, even though I know I
shouldn’t.
Fear is a powerful thing. It’s what prevents me from
querying agents, spending money on marketing, and tackling the kind of writing
that digs deep into the psyche. Fear paralyzes, it dissembles, and it makes writing
difficult.
It also innervates the brain, helps produce astounding work,
and propels us forward. This is when the adrenaline kicks in, your brain slips
into overdrive, your emotions go into lockdown, and you’re forced to make an instinctual
decision. Fight or flight. Go big or stay home. Use it or lose it.
Just do it.
I have a love-hate relationship with this sly, sneaky thing
called fear. For now, I’m going to fold it up, stick in my back pocket and sit
on it. It could very well be the kick in the ass I need to get things done. This
is one F-word I plan to use to my advantage.
Jennifer - you are not alone in your thinking. We all have our self-doubts. Fortunately, we have friends like yours who are great at kicking our butt and getting us to get the next book written.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not alone in my thinking. I do wish I could pull a bit of bravery out of my hat to sit alongside the fear. Maybe then things would balance themselves out. In the meantime, I'll have to rely on good friends and loyal readers to keep me in line and on target. :)
DeleteI identify with this totally - unlike you though I am simply not going to do anything about it. I have written the things, I am over the moon when any one of them sells but if someone I know buys one I am a wreck and then when they comment kindly I have that horrible - "Oh they are only saying that to be nice" thing so I will write and I will never be famous but good luck to you for you surely deserve recognition x
ReplyDeleteI've read your work, Diane - no one is being "nice" when they compliment your work - they're being honest.
DeleteI think many of us go through that in different forms. But the best thing is when we recognize it--and then chose the means of dealing with it. ;D
ReplyDeleteTrue. :)
DeleteI am with you 100%. It wasn't until I posted my book on Authonomy that I even began using my real name. The fear of 'once it's out there' makes it hard to be public and private at the same time. Sure, there is the fear of 'who knows who's reading this' but really it's more the thought of posting something or commenting...what if you do become famous and then everything you ever did becomes analyzed to death?!
ReplyDeleteLet's just hope we can be brave and not hold the criticisms that are sure to come close to our hearts :-)
Cheers!
Exactly. We all have "skeletons" in our closet . . . and for some reason, they never turn to dust, even though there should be an expiry date on past mistakes. As for the criticisms . . . I keep telling myself they're good for me - in the end, they'll make me a better writer.
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